Hardly a convenience

The County Press Property section (23 Sept) featured 5 council owned toilet blocks that they have decided to sell. The block at the end of Strollers revetement near the Napolean's Landings flats is up for £35000.

You would have to be pretty flushed to afford that, the advert asks for a small deposit and informs you that there is no chain.

I think we ought to create a stink and march on the council offices in Newport ~ let's all adopt and sing "We -eee shall overcome" ~ our anthem.

I suppose the eventual buyer could spend holidays at their own convenience.

Rugby World Cup

The England World Cup rugby team has chosen a BLACK kit as their second strip, the New Zealand rugby union has complained saying that it's their colour. A quote from an NZRFU representative said

"Of all the colours in the rainbow, they chose black."

Holiday comments.

These are genuine comments made by holiday makers to Thomas Cook on returning.

No one told us there would be fish in the sea, the children were startled.

It took us 9 hours to fly to Jamaica from England but it only took the Americans 3 hours.

My fiance and I booked a twin bedded room but we were given one with a double bed, I hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant, it wouldn't have happened if we had had the right room.

From a holiday maker in Spain: There were too many Spanish people, the receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish and the whole place was full of foreigners.

We found that the sand was white and not yellow like in your brochure.

Poor chap!!

New road signs for summer 2011

Oh dear.

I was ready to pay my bill at Tesco and the old woman in front of me collapsed and died. I felt really sorry for her as she had just bought a "Bag for life".

The King's speech

Well, I enjoyed the film, however, it was a bit long. It would have been about an hour and a half if they cut out the stammering.

I'LL DRINK TO THAT!

Extract from a College of Physicians' Conference:

9:00............ The effects of alcohol on the heart

10.00............................. Alcohol and the nervous system.

11.00...... The effects of alcohol on the gastrointestinal system

12.00.....................................Nutrition and alcohol

1.00 - 4.00................. Bar open

IS THIS HOUSE SOLD???

YES IT TIS!

Bargain?

I visited IKEA in Southampton and bought the IKEA joke book for £1, when I got home I discovered that it was a dictionary, apparently, you pick out the words and make up the joke yourself!

Oops! Where's the proof reader?

No doubt there were complaints ~ compensation claims etc.

POST NUMBER 181 ~ lots to read!

Teaching for 37 years means meeting thousands of pupils over that time:

Some had unusual names:

Annette Curton...........Ruth Tyler...........Honor Way

Paul Tutheran...........Mark Book..........Barb Dwyer

Teresa Green..........Eileen Dover...........Peter Sowt

Chris Pacquet..........Neil Down..........Philippa Buckett

Peter Sowt..........Rhoda Tandem..........Hans Hoff

Ivor Longman..........Dennis Ball..........Jess Player

Shirley Knott.......Cherry Stone........Iona House

Danielle Sloughedly......Fiona Friend......Cliff Walker

Freda Krimnal.......... Linda Satenna..........Carrie-Ann Campion

Lyndsey Doyle............Robin Hayter (Bristol Rovers fan)

Plan ahead ~ IWCouncil motto.

Great foresight Samantha ~ plan ahead ~ are you sure you'll be around in 2111?

Drunk on air!!!!

Sarah ~ if you could get drunk on air, then we wouldn't need alcohol.

Well she is blonde I hear you say.

Thanks to the council.

I, along with scores of holiday-makers, would like to thank the Isle of Wight council for warning us about the closure of this footpath.

Not serious enough for me.

I wonder how you view this woman's outlandish hair-do for what was a very serious presentation at Osborne House.

An old Lake pupil

It's always good to hear that one of my old pupils is making his mark in the world, shame about the spelling (I taught him maths).

Gloucestershire county council was impressed enough to give him a job with them. I believe that this very pupil told his English teacher that he "wanted to be a writer and perhaps, one day, make it to The Telegraph" ~ well he has now.

Sign in Fremantle, Western Australia [Been there!!!]

What nice instructions! Hardly encouraging when they tell you to go abroad instead.

My book!

Lots of authors release their books about this time of the year for the Christmas market, I am no different. Also, a number of writers serialise parts of their books in national newspapers. Here, I would like to give you just a taster of my life story.

I must warn you, there are a number of upsetting incidents that could have the more emotional of you in tears.

-----ooooo00000ooooo-----

I grew up in Bristol, you may know that it was one of the cities targeted by German bombers, my parents would discipline me by saying "If you are naughty, the nasty Germans will come and get you". With that sort of threat I was a well behaved boy. You have heard the phrase "a sheltered unbringing" ~ mine was ~ mainly in the Anderson shelter, occasionally the bus shelter.

(I originally wrote "sheletered upbringing" but that was a spelling mistake).

I thought my parents were kind, their first thought was of my welfare and I recall them putting me on a steam train at Horfield, with my gas mask, a small leather case with my belongings and a name tag around my collar (of a name I didn't recognise ~ Tony Hobden).

I was alone and lost when the train pulled into Temple Meads, a kind railway porter took me to one side and I explained why I was there. He pointed out that it was 1953 and the war had been over for 8 years.

A sibling of my mum's recognised my picture in the Evening Post and started to look after me. The smell of chewing tobacco, naval tattoos on arms, army tattoos on the navel, grey stubble on the chin bring back memories of these times, I imagine most people have aunts like that.

To follow:

Bullying in school, how lucrative it became.

Edinburgh festival gags - my favourites.

I've just been on a once in a life-time holiday ~ I'll tell you what, never again.

I bought one of those anti-bullying armbands ~ well, actually I stole it from a spotty fat ginger boy with glasses.

Dave drowned, so we bought a wreath shaped like a life-belt, it's what he would have wanted.