Monday, 13 December 2010

I'LL DRINK TO THAT!

Extract from a College of Physicians' Conference:

9:00............ The effects of alcohol on the heart
10.00............................. Alcohol and the nervous system.
11.00...... The effects of alcohol on the gastrointestinal system
12.00.....................................Nutrition and alcohol
1.00 - 4.00................. Bar open

Thursday, 18 November 2010

IS THIS HOUSE SOLD???





YES IT TIS!

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

Bargain?

I visited IKEA in Southampton and bought the IKEA joke book for £1, when I got home I discovered that it was a dictionary, apparently, you pick out the words and make up the joke yourself!

Monday, 4 October 2010

Oops! Where's the proof reader?

No doubt there were complaints ~ compensation claims etc.

Monday, 27 September 2010

POST NUMBER 181 ~ lots to read!

Teaching for 37 years means meeting thousands of pupils over that time:

Some had unusual names:
Annette Curton...........Ruth Tyler...........Honor Way

Paul Tutheran...........Mark Book..........Barb Dwyer

Teresa Green..........Eileen Dover...........Peter Sowt

Chris Pacquet..........Neil Down..........Philippa Buckett

Peter Sowt..........Rhoda Tandem..........Hans Hoff

Ivor Longman..........Dennis Ball..........Jess Player

Shirley Knott.......Cherry Stone........Iona House

Danielle Sloughedly......Fiona Friend......Cliff Walker

Freda Krimnal.......... Linda Satenna..........Carrie-Ann Campion

Lyndsey Doyle............Robin Hayter (Bristol Rovers fan)

Wednesday, 22 September 2010

Plan ahead ~ IWCouncil motto.

Great foresight Samantha ~ plan ahead ~ are you sure you'll be around in 2111?

Drunk on air!!!!


Sarah ~ if you could get drunk on air, then we wouldn't need alcohol.
Well she is blonde I hear you say.

Tuesday, 21 September 2010

Thanks to the council.

I, along with scores of holiday-makers, would like to thank the Isle of Wight council for warning us about the closure of this footpath.

Wednesday, 15 September 2010

Not serious enough for me.

I wonder how you view this woman's outlandish hair-do for what was a very serious presentation at Osborne House.

An old Lake pupil

It's always good to hear that one of my old pupils is making his mark in the world, shame about the spelling (I taught him maths).
Gloucestershire county council was impressed enough to give him a job with them. I believe that this very pupil told his English teacher that he "wanted to be a writer and perhaps, one day, make it to The Telegraph" ~ well he has now.

Monday, 13 September 2010

Sign in Fremantle, Western Australia [Been there!!!]


What nice instructions! Hardly encouraging when they tell you to go abroad instead.

Saturday, 11 September 2010

My book!

Lots of authors release their books about this time of the year for the Christmas market, I am no different. Also, a number of writers serialise parts of their books in national newspapers. Here, I would like to give you just a taster of my life story.
I must warn you, there are a number of upsetting incidents that could have the more emotional of you in tears.
-----ooooo00000ooooo-----
I grew up in Bristol, you may know that it was one of the cities targeted by German bombers, my parents would discipline me by saying "If you are naughty, the nasty Germans will come and get you". With that sort of threat I was a well behaved boy. You have heard the phrase "a sheltered unbringing" ~ mine was ~ mainly in the Anderson shelter, occasionally the bus shelter.
(I originally wrote "sheletered upbringing" but that was a spelling mistake).
I thought my parents were kind, their first thought was of my welfare and I recall them putting me on a steam train at Horfield, with my gas mask, a small leather case with my belongings and a name tag around my collar (of a name I didn't recognise ~ Tony Hobden).
I was alone and lost when the train pulled into Temple Meads, a kind railway porter took me to one side and I explained why I was there. He pointed out that it was 1953 and the war had been over for 8 years.
A sibling of my mum's recognised my picture in the Evening Post and started to look after me. The smell of chewing tobacco, naval tattoos on arms, army tattoos on the navel, grey stubble on the chin bring back memories of these times, I imagine most people have aunts like that.
To follow:
Bullying in school, how lucrative it became.

Monday, 23 August 2010

Edinburgh festival gags - my favourites.

I've just been on a once in a life-time holiday ~ I'll tell you what, never again.
I bought one of those anti-bullying armbands ~ well, actually I stole it from a spotty fat ginger boy with glasses.
Dave drowned, so we bought a wreath shaped like a life-belt, it's what he would have wanted.

Sunday, 27 June 2010

Trouble at B & Q.

A problem at B&Q last Wednesday with a customer causing a disturbance.
It was my fault ~ a chap in a smart orange apron came up to me and asked me if I wanted decking ~ so I got my punch in first.

Thursday, 17 June 2010

Guv ~ beware!

I don't mind prisoners in the local prison having sports clubs, but I was concerned to read in the local paper that the Albany prisoners football XI has asked for an away kit next season!

Wednesday, 12 May 2010

Old girl friends.

I used to go out with a girl called Lorraine, I reckon she was half French, she shaved one armpit.
Another old girlfriend I had, well, I was sure she was Scandinavian, 'cus she ate like a Norse.

New boat.

I've just bought myself a new boat ~ it has a July 1st sail by date.

Old aunts

Do you remember going to weddings and your old aunts would prod you in the ribs and say "You're next"?
I hated it, but I get my own back now at funerals, I prod them in the ribs and say "You're next!"

Saturday, 24 April 2010

Crossword puzzle

I had a tricky clue in today's crossword

A flightless bird (5,7)

It took a while, then it dawned on me ~ Roast Chicken
-----ooooo00000ooooo-----
I agree with that adage ~ "Don't judged a book by its cover", I am, however, a bit worried as my latest book entitled
"DON'T BUY THIS BOOK, IT'S RUBBISH"
hasn't sold one copy.
-----ooooo00000ooooo-----

Sunday, 11 April 2010

Sign at a Scottish golf course.

1. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulders' with apart.
2. Form a loose grip.
3. Keep your head down.
4. Avoid a quick back swing.
5. Stay out of the water.
6. Try not to hit anyone.
7. If you are taking too long, let others go ahead of you.
8. Don't stand directly in front of others.
9. Quiet please, while others are preparing.
10. Avoid extra strokes.

Well done, now flush the urinal, wash your hands, go and tee off.
Keep going!! Click on OLDER POSTS down there VVVVVV

Jokes ... or are they?

Terrible news from The Isle of Wight Steam Railway at Havenstreet, a chap fell in front of a steam train and was killed, apparently he was chuffed to bits.
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I wasted a fiver on a "dead cert." in the Grand National, the horse was "Creosote", I was told it was great over fences.
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My wife claimed I wasn't romantic, so I booked a table for Saturday night ~ I thought she liked snooker.
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A dwarf, on holiday in Cowes, had his pockets picked ~ tell me, who could stoop so low?

Saturday, 2 January 2010

Survey

In a recent survey of dwarfs, it was discovered that only one in seven is Happy.

About Me

My photo
My first 21 years were in BRISTOL, Monks Park until I was 18, 3 years at Redland Teacher Training College then off to the bright lights of London for 10 years. Living in Horfield from the early 50s my dad took me to Eastville to watch the Rovers regularly, the first team mainly but often to see the reserves as well. I joined the supporters' club in the mid 60s and was membership secretary of the junior club, eventually taking over as chairman after the famous Gordon J Bennett left. In 1969 I moved to SE London to start my teaching career.I taught at Crown Woods, Eltham and Thomas Tallis in SE London and the next 27 years at Lake Middle School on the Isle of Wight. My main subject was mathematics and I taught a lot of PE concentrating mainly on football. Whilst in London I played football for Ramsgate, Faversham Town, Carshalton Athletic and Corinthian Casuals. My wife bought a half share in STROLLERS beach cafe in 2006 and I spend a lot of time with the customers. Viewing some of the pictures on this site will give you an idea of how I spend my leisure time.

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