GRIM JOKES AND SILLY SIGNS.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A dart player threw DOUBLE TWENTY.

A second throw DOUBLE TWENTY.

As he took his third throw someone knocked his arm,

the dart flew through an open window hitting

a Mother Superior who fell into the path of

a lorry and was killed instantly.

SCORER: One nun dead and eighty.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Leif, the Viking, arrived home after a long voyage. He went to vote in the
local election only to find that his name was missing from the electoral roll.
The registrar said "I must have taken Lief off my census".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My daughter came home from playing in the park, she and her friends were pushing 2 armchairs and a sofa. She told me that a man in the park gave them to her, I said to her "I've told you before, not to accept suites from strangers."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I went to a restaurant where there was a live band, they were dreadful. The waiter asked me if I wanted them to play something, so I said "Yes please, rummy!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two American tourists were visiting North Wales, they were fascinated when they reached LLANFAIRPWLLGWYNGYLLGOGERYCHWYRNDROBWLLLLANTYSILIOGOGOGOCH

they stopped for a coffee and asked the waitress "Tell us, how exactly do you pronounce the name of this place?" She replied slowly BUR........GER.........KING.

SILLY SIGNS.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sign on a plumber's van..........Don't sleep with a drip ~ 'phone me.

Ouside a chemist's shop......... We dispense with accuracy.

Bristol shop.........Why go elsewhere and be cheated, come here instead.

Farmer's field...... It's free to walk across this field, but the bull may charge.

Sign at farm.... BE CAREFUL: Goats are liable to nibble your clothes and butt.

Cafe sign.... If you find our staff unhelpful and rude you should see the manager.

Launderette...... When the red light goes out, remove all of your clothes.

Paint-stripper gun..... Do NOT use as a hair dryer.

Label on multi pack Valentine cards..... I love you only.