My wife and I were blissfully happy for 25 years, then we met.
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I joined the Foreign Legion to forget my wife, unfortunately the
sergeant major was the spitting image of her.
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I live the life of a medieval knight, I go to sleep
with a battle axe by my side.
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I joined Batchelors Anonymous- if I feel like getting married
they send a woman around in curlers to nag me.
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I've often wanted to drown my sorrows, unfortunately
I can't get my wife to go swimming.
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Ladies: The best way to get your husband to do a job around
the house is to tell him he is too old to attempt it.
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WAITER, WAITER...
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Why is there a dead grasshopper in my soup?
It probably couldn't swim, sir.
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What's this?
It's bean soup, sir.
What is it now then?
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What's this fly doing in my ice cream?
Learning to ski, sir.
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This coffee tastes like mud!
That's because it was ground this morning.
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There's a fly in my soup!
That's o.k. The spider on your roll will get it.
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